There Are No Walls in the House of Jearl - Mystery DVD #145
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Mystery DVD #145
Jack of All Trades: The Complete Series: Disc 3
This is my punishment for going weeks between reviews. I know, I'm sorry. Oh man, I have been so busy. Usually when I fall far enough behind in the reviewing to get a visit from Jack it's because of my own damn sloth, but this time, seriously, lot of mind-sucking stuff going on at work. NO EXCUSES, says Emilia, with a whip. Yes, my mind has completely gone.
"Monkey Business" - Jack and Emilia's Boob Ninja Costume recover a silver monkey idol from what they believe is an extinct mystical society. Both of their governments, as well as the French, want it. Wagering and assassination attempts ensue. Jearl's first scream of pain: during the teaser. Not a good start.
"The Morning After" - Napoleon invents a hypnotic wine and plans to drug world leaders with it. He tests it on Jack and Emilia. Oh no, sexual tension. Anyway, Jack gets out the Daring Dragoon costume and prances about while Napoleon tries to kill him with a machine gun. Relatively good. Just a couple pro forma screams for really bad puns.
"Croquey in the Pokey" - Governor Croque's wife frames him for treason. As you may recall, Croque is the incompetent ruler of Palau-Palau, and Jack and Emilia frequently have to prevent him from getting canned so that no one worse can take over. Anyway, to protect Croque in prison, Emilia gets Jack locked up by framing him for attempted rape (!). Jack organizes a prison break, with the help of a team of circus acrobats. Screaming: pretty much constant.
"One, Two, Three: Give Me Lady Liberty!" - Napoleon is having the Statue of Liberty built on Palau-Palau. Emilia is suspicious so Jack makes a big Thanksgiving feast for the French and they steal the plans while everyone is sleeping. It turns out that the Statue is a Trojan Horse and that Napoleon wants to invade New York. So Jack challenges the French to a football game as a distraction. Napoleon turns out to be surprisingly good at American-style football. Nevertheless, Jack manages to blow up the Statue of Liberty. Insert Planet of the Apes reference and go home confused. Palau-Palau really is everywhere and nowhere. It must be the land of the dead.
"Hamnesia" - Emilia gets a blow to the head and suffers amnesia. The last thing she remembers about their current mission is the word "hog." this is unimportant except foor the title. Anyway Jack tells her she's a party animal and that he's in charge. To his chagrin, Emilia believes him and he has to spend the rest of the episode peeling her off of drunken sailors. Has the advantage of not blowing up the Statue of Liberty in a football game on a tropical island, so it's not too bad.
"Seventy Brides for One Brother" - Eeeeeagh! Napoleon is making alliance overtures to aaaaaaaaah! a Sultan who controls some nearby islands. This Sultan becomes Nooooooooo! Nyaaaaagh! besotted with Emilia and nyrrrgh kidnaps her to add her to his harem. Blurrgh. Jack convinces the palace guard that he lost his testicles in the war and gets a job as a harem guard. gnrrrgh! Emilia provokes a feminist uprising in the harem, hrrrrgf gnrr and the wives all walk out on the Sultan, despite being surrounded by dudes with swords. owww my soul. I'm making it sound so much better than it was.
Tags: dvd review
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YAY! Your pain is my hilarity!
*snickers immaturely at the title "croquey in the pokey"*
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/86098935/1050131) | | From: | ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) julrosec |
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| Date: | December 14th, 2008 10:28 pm (UTC) |
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speaking as one who's suffered through a few of these with you, I can honestly say there's not enough screaming in the world to describe Jack of All Trades...
gah |
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